Sometimes All It Takes Is Someone to Walk Into the Waves With You

03 Aug Sometimes All It Takes Is Someone to Walk Into the Waves With You

A couple of weeks ago, our entire family got together in Bethany Beach, Delaware, for our annual vacation.

It is one of my favorite weeks of the year.

While we were sitting on the beach one afternoon, we started laughing about my two youngest nephews. They are eight and ten now, and they have turned into incredible ocean swimmers.

They will spend hours jumping waves, diving under breakers, riding boogie boards, getting knocked over, popping right back up, and laughing the entire time.

But it was not always like that.

A few years ago, every five minutes it was:

“Will you come in the ocean with me?”

They would ask their mom, their dad, their aunts, their uncles, their older cousins—basically anyone they thought might say yes.

Sometimes we would tell them:

“Give me ten minutes.”

Or:

“I’m not hot enough yet.”

But they never stopped asking.

Eventually, someone always went in with them.

Confidence Usually Starts With Support

At first, they wanted someone to carry them into the water and hold them.

Then they just wanted someone to hold their hand.

After that, they only needed someone standing next to them.

Little by little, every trip into the ocean built their confidence.

Every wave taught them something.

They learned how to brace themselves.

They learned when to jump.

They learned when to dive underneath.

They learned how to get back up after being knocked down.

Before long, they did not need us anymore.

Sometimes all it takes is someone willing to walk into the waves with you.

Careers Work the Same Way

Watching them made me think about how people grow in their careers.

The professionals who develop the fastest are usually the ones who are willing to ask for help.

They seek out experienced people.

They ask questions.

They volunteer for assignments that stretch them.

They put themselves in situations where they are slightly uncomfortable because they understand that growth rarely happens when everything feels easy.

Nobody becomes a great engineer, Project Manager, leader, or business developer by staying in the shallow end forever.

Eventually, you have to walk into deeper water.

The right mentor does not eliminate the waves.

They help you learn how to handle them.

The Best Mentors Build Confidence, Not Dependence

My nephews kept asking certain people to go into the ocean with them because they trusted those people.

They knew who would make them feel safe.

They knew who would not panic when a larger wave rolled in.

They knew who would stand beside them while they figured things out.

Your career should have people like that too.

Someone who will answer your questions.

Someone who will challenge you.

Someone who will tell you when you are ready for more responsibility.

Someone who will let you struggle a little without allowing you to drown.

Someone who will stand beside you while you learn, until one day you no longer need them there.

That is what strong mentorship looks like.

The goal is not to create someone who constantly needs direction.

The goal is to create someone with the confidence and judgment to operate independently.

Asking for Help Is Not a Weakness

Some younger professionals are hesitant to ask questions because they worry it will make them look inexperienced.

But they are inexperienced.

That is not an insult. It is simply where everyone starts.

No reasonable leader expects a young engineer to know everything.

The greater concern is when someone is afraid to ask, quietly guesses, and creates a much larger problem later.

Strong professionals ask questions.

They seek context.

They want to understand not only what to do, but why they are doing it.

That curiosity helps them develop judgment faster.

The people who pretend to know everything usually take much longer to learn.

Good Mentors Do More Than Give Answers

A strong mentor does not simply hand over solutions.

They explain how they reached the answer.

They help the younger professional recognize patterns.

They ask questions that force the person to think.

They provide enough support to keep the assignment moving without taking control of the entire process.

Sometimes the best mentoring sounds like:

“What do you think we should do?”

“What options have you considered?”

“What could go wrong?”

“What does the client actually care about here?”

“What information are we missing?”

Those questions help build the decision-making ability that separates a capable designer from a strong Project Manager and future leader.

Growth Requires Some Discomfort

My nephews did not become strong swimmers by standing at the edge of the water and watching everyone else.

They had to get knocked down.

They had to swallow some ocean water.

They had to experience waves that looked much larger from their height than they did from ours.

Professional growth works the same way.

You have to take on projects that feel slightly beyond your current ability.

You have to lead meetings before you feel completely ready.

You have to talk with clients.

You have to present your ideas.

You have to make decisions.

You have to receive criticism and learn from mistakes.

That discomfort is often evidence that you are developing.

The key is having the right support around you while you do it.

Mentorship Is a Two-Way Responsibility

Companies often talk about mentorship as though it is entirely the employer’s responsibility.

The company absolutely plays an important role.

Leaders should invest in younger professionals.

They should provide feedback.

They should create learning opportunities.

They should explain the business, not just assign production work.

But employees also have a responsibility.

You may need to ask.

There may be an experienced engineer, Project Manager, Principal, or Office Leader who would gladly invest time in you—but has no idea you are looking for guidance.

Good leaders are busy.

They may assume you are comfortable unless you tell them otherwise.

A simple conversation can make a major difference:

“I would like to keep growing here. Would you be willing to meet with me periodically and help me understand what I need to develop?”

The worst they can say is no.

And their response will tell you something important about the environment where you work.

What If Nobody Is Willing to Help?

If you do not have a mentor, it is worth asking why.

Is there someone you respect whom you have never approached?

Is there a leader who would gladly help if you simply asked?

Have you made it clear that you want more responsibility and feedback?

Or are you working in an environment where experienced people are either unwilling or unable to help others grow?

That last possibility matters.

Some firms are so buried in work that nobody has time to mentor.

Some leaders protect their knowledge instead of sharing it.

Some companies treat younger engineers primarily as production resources and give little thought to their long-term development.

If that is your environment, you should think carefully about how long you are willing to remain there.

Early career years are incredibly valuable.

The projects you work on, the people you learn from, and the responsibilities you receive can shape the next several decades of your career.

You do not get that time back.

Firms Need to Make Mentorship Real

Engineering firms regularly say they offer mentorship.

The better question is whether employees actually experience it.

Is time set aside for it?

Are senior professionals expected to develop others?

Do younger engineers receive thoughtful feedback?

Are they invited to client meetings?

Do leaders explain project strategy, contracts, budgets, and business development?

Are promising people gradually given more responsibility?

Or is mentorship simply something printed in the recruiting brochure?

Real mentorship requires intention.

It requires leaders who care enough to slow down and teach.

That investment may reduce short-term efficiency.

But over time, it creates stronger engineers, better Project Managers, more capable leaders, and a healthier succession pipeline.

Eventually, the Mentor Steps Back

The most satisfying part of watching my nephews now is that they no longer need anyone to walk into the ocean with them.

They are the ones charging toward the waves.

They are comfortable.

They are confident.

They know what to do.

And eventually, they may be the older cousins holding someone else’s hand.

That is how mentorship should work in a career.

Someone helps you.

You learn.

You gain confidence.

You become independent.

Then one day, you become the person someone else trusts enough to ask:

“Will you come into the water with me?”

The right mentor does not just help you survive the waves.

They give you the confidence to eventually chase them on your own.

And if you are in the civil engineering profession and looking for an environment where people will genuinely invest in your growth, my inbox is always open.